Preparing for Marriage

Dear Kids,

One of the most important things you will ever do in life is choose a spouse to spend the rest of eternity with. This is not something to be taken lightly! As you may know (or remember, depending on when you actually read this…) We currently live in Rexburg and the year is 2017. There are a lot of college students around and everyone seems to be full of life and adventure. People are constantly dating and getting engaged and getting married. Two of my employees have gotten engaged just this last semester! It’s a very common place thing here in this little town.

My point is that just because something is common place, does not mean that it isn’t special. And it certainly doesn't mean that you shouldn’t treat it like something special. Let’s pretend that you are going to buy something really expensive. At this stage in your childhood, it would be something like a bike. Later on it will be a car and much later on it will be a house or whatever. Let’s go back to the bike though. If you want a good bike, you will likely do some research on bikes to make sure you're getting a good one. If you really want to make sure, you’ll go to the store and look at some and maybe even try some out. Maybe you have friends that have bikes and you can make mental notes about which ones your like and which ones you don’t like. It takes a lot of preparation to make such a commitment! Don't you think you ought to put at least that much thought into who you want to marry?

The dating process to get ready for marriage can be very similar to this. You want to get to know people while you are dating so you can see what they will be like as a spouse. My teacher in class right now is a Marriage and Family Therapist and he told us in class that when he sees couples with marital problems in his office, he likes to talk to them about the history of their relationship. He likes to know what they were like when they were dating. He says he can tell with about 85% accuracy what people’s marital problems are from their history and how they dated each other. The patterns established while they were dating are the patterns that followed all the way through into their marriage. I think sometimes we just don't see things clearly when we are infatuated and in the middle of being in love with someone. 

Think about this story of a couple that just started dating. She thinks he’s cute, He thinks she’s really good looking. They flirt a lot and hangout a lot. A date night usually consists of her making dinner and him bringing a redox or signing into Netflix. Years and years go by and her primary problem in their marriage is she feels that he doesn't provide for the family. Do you see any correlation?

I want my kids to go on dates and date people (for a while) that show and exemplify the roles that they want to carry out in marriage. I would love it if my daughters expected their boyfriends to plan things and be prepared to take care of them. I would love it if my son would plan things and be prepared to take care of his girlfriend. It may seem like a small thing but your behavior while you're dating can tell a lot about you’re future. Current behavior and past behavior are the best predictors of future behavior.

Just some things that I’ve been thinking about lately. Love you guys.