Family Dynamics & Theories

Dear Kids…

Someday you will each have a family of your own. At least, I hope you will each have a family of your own. It certainly helps to have that support structure in place when you go through life. I can’t think of any life event that is not made better by having an immediate family that you can share those experiences with. I’m talking about jobs, school, sports, learning, growing, getting hurt, getting fired, getting promoted…the list goes on and on. I hope that you each have a family of your own someday and that you understand the connections and relationships in your families. 

I’ve been learning in school lately that models and systems are used to help people understand something easier. A metaphor or an example of something that simplifies concepts and helps people see clearer. Even families can be viewed as systems or models. Families can be viewed, from the outside or from the inside, as a group of individual parts that work together to create a greater whole. This can help us to see things clearer. Especially if it has to do with emotions and relationships and other complex things that are difficult to visualize or even more difficult to change.

When you kids have your own families I think you’ll find great value in being able to view your own families as systems and understand a couple of theories that are out there for family systems.

Exchange theory deals with a very subjective cost-benefit analysis of relationships in a family. I kind of think about this like when your mom makes dinner for us and I do the clean up and dishes afterwards. It’s a little trade that we have and it seems on the surface like it’s something in exchange for something. With you kids, it’s more like, your mother and I give you everything and in exchange, you obey us and go to bed on time. That sounds like a pretty good deal, doesn't it?

Symbiotic Interaction Theory deals with the idea that the process of interaction forms meanings for individuals. I’m still learning about all this but maybe this is like when I clean up around the house, I do this to help your mom because I know she’s had a long day. I’m not really doing this in exchange for anything like exchange theory but I do it because the meaning that we are forming as individuals is that I love her and support her. Again, I’m just learning and by the time you guys are grown up and read this, you’ll probably be much smarter than I am and catch onto things faster. Let me know if I’m wrong ok?

I was also learning about Conflict Theory which seems pretty self explanatory. There are constant conflicts in the home. People fighting over the bathroom or the last piece of bacon. Families often resolve things with this conflict. I don't think conflict should be used all the time but it certainly plays a role in how things get done at home.

Why am I telling you kids all about what I’m learning? I’m telling you all this because I want you to learn and be successful in your families. I love you and if you can view your families as systems and as components that work together, you will be so much better off. Hopefully your own families are still a long way off but I know you will do great if you just open your eyes and observe things around you. 

Love you guys.